There is so much written about how to overcome failed romantic relationships but hardly anything about mending work relationships that have gone sour. It could be with your peers, subordinates or bosses.
One reason for this is that when we speak of corporate alliances, we never think of them as emotional. In fact, most people I encounter have mental constructs in place to separate their personal and professional lives. With the amount of time we are now spending at the workplace, add to that travel, happy hours and birthday celebrations outside of work, it is essential to look at these relationships as any other meaningful relationship in your life.
Sometimes the emotion they invoke can be even more intense than personal relationships. Yes, the difference is you can quit and move on to another job. However, if you don't take the time and space to delve more in-depth into what went wrong, what to take away from it and what you need to let go and/or accept from such situations, chances are, you will repeat those patterns.
The corporate culture in this gig, digital, VUCA (volatile, uncertain, changing, ambiguous) world recognises that talent lies in teams, not just in individuals. It is essential to know that you need to work closely with a team to innovate, take risks and create. For this you will be required to bring your real self to the table. It means that the relationships cannot be fake. Sure, there will always be some people that you connect with more than others. However, the ones that you clash with will teach you the most about yourself.
So, what is the best way to deal with work relationships that are not healthy? It is possible you think you do everything right but people around you are jealous, petty, autocratic, aggressive or unpleasant in some manner. If you take the approach - “It’s all their fault”, you are assuming a victim mindset which is far from a growth mindset.
Use this situation as an opportunity to improve your leadership skills. To do that, always first think about what you can do differently. Is it getting to the bottom of what makes them that way? Could it be something in the environment? Are you inadvertently sending messages you don't intend to?
Having explored this until you feel satisfied and after taking some actions, if you don't see any improvement then it is a good idea to wish people well and let it go. Sometimes the energy could be so negative that it is not worth dealing with.
There might be a strong misalignment in ethics and values that you feel compromised all the time. It is always possible to find some values to connect on if you really want to try. Truly letting go means being quite indifferent – neither happy nor unhappy. However, if you face this situation time and time again, it is time to find the answers that lie within yourself. Try and see the pattern each time it happened to you.
Cultivating healthy work associations is imperative. Like any other connection, for it to be deep rich and meaningful, it requires work. For continuous successful career growth, you always need people to support and sponsor you and be vested in your growth right from the early stages to the boardroom. The sooner you learn to work through that, the faster you can climb the career ladder.
(Views expressed are personal. )
The author is founder and CEO of Talent Power Partners, a Bengaluru-based global leadership development company. She is a leadership development specialist, an ICF certified executive coach and author of the book Team Decision Making.
